The other day, a good friend sent me a passage from a textbook that she thought would resonate with me. The passage discussed the "Culture of the Self," comparing collectivist and individualist cultures.
In a collectivist culture, the group comes before the individual. To think highly of yourself is not considered a good thing, because it threatens the dynamic of the group. On the other hand, in an individualist culture, self-esteem and individualism is rewarded.
It is pointed out how even though Asian cultures are prone to criticism and negativity when it comes to parenting, children tend to have high academic performance and good mental health. However, when raised in this way within an American majority culture, there are negative effects such as depression and poor academic performance.
The author believes that if surrounded with a culture that receives frequent praise, children suffer more if parents are more critical. Whereas, Asian children may expect the criticism.
"Human Development: A Cultural Approach (2nd edition)," (copyright 2016) by Jeffrey Jensen Arnett.
In a collectivist culture, the group comes before the individual. To think highly of yourself is not considered a good thing, because it threatens the dynamic of the group. On the other hand, in an individualist culture, self-esteem and individualism is rewarded.
It is pointed out how even though Asian cultures are prone to criticism and negativity when it comes to parenting, children tend to have high academic performance and good mental health. However, when raised in this way within an American majority culture, there are negative effects such as depression and poor academic performance.
The author believes that if surrounded with a culture that receives frequent praise, children suffer more if parents are more critical. Whereas, Asian children may expect the criticism.
"Human Development: A Cultural Approach (2nd edition)," (copyright 2016) by Jeffrey Jensen Arnett.
I have struggled my whole life with self-confidence. Sorry is often the first word that comes out of my mouth. The beginning of every question I ask is "I hope you don't mind..." It seems I cannot stop apologizing for my existence. Whether this is because I am Japanese-American, it's hard to say.
What I can say is that after living in Japan, the habit became even worse. In Japanese, the term sumimasen not only means "sorry," but also serves as a conversation starter, an interlude, and even an expression of gratitude. Adjusting to saying "sorry" for all of these things was easy.
The hard part was the group-before-individual mentality. No matter how sorry I am for my existence, it seems that I still feel I have the right to make it a happy one. The contrast shook my confidence in who I was, and what I wanted in my life.
When I am struggling with self-doubt, self-worth, and self-confidence, I look at this quote:
"What if for a second you believed that nothing could go wrong. That nothing is wrong. That you're exactly where you're meant to be. That this state you're in was divinely designed. That each and every moment you were supported indefinitely. That everything that comes in to your life is there for you. As a gift. To learn. To ascend. To appreciate. To embrace.
That each pain was a blessing. Each heartache a miracle. Each fear a friend. Each loss a strength.
Now keep believing, because its true.
You are luminous."
Confidence is learning to embrace who you are, and what your life is exactly the way it is. We are not defined by our cultures, and their tendencies. They are a part of us, and what makes us all beautiful, complex creatures. Every day, I am working on it. I hope you all are too, because you deserve it.
Best,
justajae
justajae